
How I Met Your Mother - 7.05 “Field Trip”
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(Source: julie-saracen)

How I Met Your Mother - 7.05 “Field Trip”
(via clair-carlyle)
(Source: julie-saracen)

Ted: I used to believe in destiny, you know? I’d go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that’s been stuck in my head all week and think she’s the one. Now I think, I just know this bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat-everything bagel.
How I Met Your Mother 7.01 “The Best Man”/7.02 “The Naked Truth”
(Source: chasethememories)

LILY: On Monday I’m gonna have to tell my kindergarten class, who I teach not to run with scissors, that my fiancé ran me through with a freakin’ broadsword!
MARSHALL: Well just to be fair, it didn’t go all the way through.
LILY: I’m sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?
How I Met Your Mother 1.08 - “The Duel”
(via sleepyjean)
(Source: poundgrape)

Barney: Why aren’t you wearing purple like your friends?
Nora: Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, I’m kind of protesting their protest. Can you keep a secret?
Barney: Sure.
Nora: I love Valentine’s day.
Barney: Oh, my gosh! Me, too! Um, is it getting crowded in here ‘cause I think there are two peas in this pod?
Nora: You’re a gooey romantic, too?
Barney: Guilty. This is embarrassing, but every year I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, even if I’m not with someone. Just in case, you know? We are pitiful. The worst.
Nora: Although there’s a difference between you and me.
Barney: Yeah? What’s that?
Nora: I’m not saying this to get my way to your pants.
How I Met Your Mother 6.16 - “Desperation Day”
(via notjustanecho)
![Barney: Interesting, interesting. Everyone has annoying habits but me!Marshall: Oh! Got it. Okay, you, sometimes talk in a weird high pitched voice.Robin: And you’re constantly using lame catchphrases.Ted: And sometimes, you space out, and don’t even pay attention to what we’re talking about!Barney: I’m sorry, what? See! You can’t think of anything, [sings] ‘cause I’m AWESOME!Robin: All three! Right there.Ted: Well, technically, “awesome” wouldn’t be a catchphrase. if anything it’s more of a catch word.Robin: I literally want to rip your head off!Ted: You mean figuratively!Robin: No, I literally mean, literally. Literally, literally, literally— OH MY GOD LILY, WHAT ARE YOU EATING, GRAVEL?Marshall: I know right? It sounds like cuff links going up a vacuum cleaner.Lily: Then why don’t you sing about it?Marshall: [singing] Because I don’t sing about everything I doooo!Robin: NO! No, sometimes you just sing nonsense sentences like a stroke victim. And what’s worse, they’re catchy. [singing] Apple orchard—All: [singing] Banana cat dance, eight six six three!
How I Met Your Mother 3.08 - “Spoiler Alert”
(via jessbakescakes)](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_limvhdzThx1qask1go1_500.png)
Barney: Interesting, interesting. Everyone has annoying habits but me!
Marshall: Oh! Got it. Okay, you, sometimes talk in a weird high pitched voice.
Robin: And you’re constantly using lame catchphrases.
Ted: And sometimes, you space out, and don’t even pay attention to what we’re talking about!
Barney: I’m sorry, what? See! You can’t think of anything, [sings] ‘cause I’m AWESOME!
Robin: All three! Right there.
Ted: Well, technically, “awesome” wouldn’t be a catchphrase. if anything it’s more of a catch word.
Robin: I literally want to rip your head off!
Ted: You mean figuratively!
Robin: No, I literally mean, literally. Literally, literally, literally— OH MY GOD LILY, WHAT ARE YOU EATING, GRAVEL?
Marshall: I know right? It sounds like cuff links going up a vacuum cleaner.
Lily: Then why don’t you sing about it?
Marshall: [singing] Because I don’t sing about everything I doooo!
Robin: NO! No, sometimes you just sing nonsense sentences like a stroke victim. And what’s worse, they’re catchy. [singing] Apple orchard—
All: [singing] Banana cat dance, eight six six three!
How I Met Your Mother 3.08 - “Spoiler Alert”
(via jessbakescakes)

MARSHALL: I mean, you guys could be looking at some serious prison time.
BARNEY: Prison?!
TED: I can’t go to prison! I mean, I could get a lot of reading done. Finally write some short stories. Work out all the time! Seriously, if I don’t come out of there completely ripped—
BARNEY: Ted! We can’t go to prison! People get shivved in the joint. Plus, the meals are really starchy.
How I Met Your Mother 4.10 - “The Fight”
(via sleepyjean)
(Source: poundgrape)

LILY: I thought you were gonna talk to Marshall about coming back to New York.
TED: Yeah, but you know, things move so fast in New York. Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine’s Day. Plus, we’re helping Marshall’s mom. Mrs. Eriksen, we’re running low on Sunny D!
JUDY: Is orange juice okay?
BOTH: NO!
How I Met Your Mother 6.16 - “Desperation Day”
(via sleepyjean)
(Source: poundgrape)

LILY: You really do have everything in there, don’t you?
TED: You’re like Mary Poppins if her magic purse was also filled with drugs.
ROBIN: If? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. Spoonful of sugar? Grow up.
How I Met Your Mother 6.14 - “Last Words”
(via sleepyjean)
(Source: poundgrape)