Phil: Lem, you ever get the feeling that ooplasm cultures are looking up at you, worshiping you like a vengeful God?
Lem: No. Cytoplasm cultures sometimes, but never ooplasm.
Phil: Sometimes you are a complete stranger to me.
Better Off Ted 1.04 - “Racial Sensitivity”
(via cheia)
Veronica: I need you to design me a perfect bagel.
Lem: Perfect but somehow evil?
Phil: Like halfway down your throat it triples in size or tells you the end to Rocky 4?
Better Off Ted 2.10 - “Lust in Translation”
(via barnumyay)
![Phil: We once went to buy six four-inch petri dishes and instead bought four six-inch petri dishes.Lem: [laughs] It was crazy how slightly bigger it was than we needed.
Better Off Ted 2.11 - “Mess of a Salesman”
(via barnumyay)](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwx8iwmw701qzjcnfo1_500.jpg)
Phil: We once went to buy six four-inch petri dishes and instead bought four six-inch petri dishes.
Lem: [laughs] It was crazy how slightly bigger it was than we needed.
Better Off Ted 2.11 - “Mess of a Salesman”
(via barnumyay)
Ted: The Germans are worried about working with us because ironically they think that Veridian is ruthlessly efficient and bent on world domination.
Phil: Wow, that’s like when those Irish auditors thought our accounting department drank too much and wrote overly depressing poetry.
Better Off Ted 2.10 “Lust in Translation”
(via barnumyay)
Ted: Phil, why on Earth would you use your voice for the translator device?
Phil: It was the fastest way to fix it since we already had my voice in the computer from that failed talking frying pan project.
Lem: Stupid thing wouldn’t stop screaming when you put it on the burner.
Phil: Plus it was very critical. ‘You really need that much butter?’ Screw you, frying pan.
Better Off Ted 2.10 - “Lust in Translation”
(via barnumyay)
Veronica: Children, they have so many uses. They’re like adorable Swiss Army knives.
Ted: Although they can’t open wine worth a damn.
Better Off Ted 2.05 - “The Great Repression”
(via duemilaquarantasei)
Lem: Chumley’s so great. He’s the only one in the office who’s always smiling. When he looks at you with those little blue lights, it’s like you’re the only one in the world. What’s gonna happen to him?
Phil: Don’t worry. Ted told me Veridian has a place where retired robots get to run and play with other robots. It’s called the technology farm.
Lem: Ah. God, that sounds great. Like the place my mom sent my dog after he crapped in her purse.
Better Off Ted 2.05 - “The Great Repression”
(via duemilaquarantasei)
![Ted: Is this the story with the little forest creature who looks like Phil?Linda: He’s a lemur. And he doesn’t look anything like Phil. Their markings are completely different.Phil: Hey, guys. […] Ooh, bananas! I love bananas.
Better Off Ted 2.02 - “The Lawyer, the Lemur and the Little Listener”
(via lizzymaxia : duemilaquarantasei)](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kura39kGTG1qz5t0to1_500.png)
Ted: Is this the story with the little forest creature who looks like Phil?
Linda: He’s a lemur. And he doesn’t look anything like Phil. Their markings are completely different.
Phil: Hey, guys. […] Ooh, bananas! I love bananas.
Better Off Ted 2.02 - “The Lawyer, the Lemur and the Little Listener”
(via lizzymaxia : duemilaquarantasei)
Veronica: That sounds wonderful.
Linda: I hate it when you mock me.
Veronica: I’m serious.
Linda: And when you mock me for pointing out that you’re mocking me.
Veronica: I’m not mocking you.
Linda: And when you mockingly insist you’re not mocking me.
Better Off Ted 2.11 - “Mess of a Salesman”
(via barnumyay)
